


NEVER Say That Again!

by Warfang



Category: Captain Harlock
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6480676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warfang/pseuds/Warfang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, I wrote this and posted it on FF.net. Mostly it exists to get that scenario out of my head, and because I had to share the horribleness of Harlock being blunt. Like I said, it's goofball crack and I think, still in character. Somehow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	NEVER Say That Again!

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own, nor make money from this.

Dating Harlock was awesome. The dinners that spilled over to late night talks with wine and a warm bed, the times they freaked the crew out finishing each other’s sentences, the times they fell into step together pacing Arcadia only to part ways and meet up again later.

Truly, besides the daily effort to make Harlock smile, Yama counted himself lucky to have such a sweet boyfriend.

Even the days when Harlock was being a hard-ass.

“No, we are not having sexual intercourse yet. How about mutual blowjobs?” Harlock offered instead, not even looking up from the documents surrounding him in his circular desk.

Yama shut his mouth and scowled briefly.

He folded his arms over his head, debated wasting the time to argue with Harlock, and nodded.

“Yes, that will suffice.” He agreed. “I’ll be in the shower.” He headed out, giving Harlock the time to wrap up paperwork and himself time to shake his bad mood.

It had just been months since they had started dating, and Yama hadn’t had anything in his ass except a dildo. Well, a butt plug too, but that wasn’t the same as getting off with Harlock buried in him. Which he had been looking forward to for months.

Yama stripped and started the recycle water program, giving it time to cycle before turning the water on. Then he fetched two towels, just in case Harlock finished early and joined him.

A shadow fell over him, and then a mouth wrapped around the shell of his ear.

“I think we can start this early.” Harlock purred, before resuming the molestation of Yama’s sensitive ears.

Having a mutual hand job in the shower certainly did help Yama unwind, and then they tumbled into shorts, grabbed their respective reading material, and fell into bed.

“Just, I do want to know,” Yama added as he ended the chapter on _Gathering Starlight Photosynthesis: How Plants Need Machines_ “is why we haven’t had anal sex yet. I know we have oral condoms.”

“Oral condoms wouldn’t work for anal sex. They have sugars.” Harlock commented absentmindedly, before marking his place and setting his book aside.

Harlock rolled over to face Yama.

“Have you ever had semen diarrhea?” He asked.

Yama’s eyes widened.

“It’s noisy, even with lube it can burn, you’re stuck to the toilet for the duration, and everything, and I do mean everything, comes back out.” Harlock intoned seriously. “That’s why we are not having anal sex until we get condoms. That said, we should intercept a shipment containing them within the next week.”

He stretched out, chest rising up and falling as muscles tensed and shifted.

His good eye swept back over to Yama.

“I truly do wish to bury myself into you until you go limp and quiver under my hands, Yama. But I must balance our needs, and I won’t put you through that. We wait until we get condoms.”

Yama swallowed audibly before snuggling into Harlock.

“You know, I think I can wait that week for the condoms so long as you never repeat those two words again.”

Harlock raised an eyebrow.

“What? You mean se-“

Yama squeaked, grabbed a pillow, and thwacked Harlock with it.

“No!” He yelled. “Absolutely not! Forget you nibbling on them; my virgin ears will never be pure again!”

Harlock laughed, reaching out to scoop Yama back up into his embrace, ignoring the multitude of hits from the pillow.

“Alright, alright! I yield. I will never say that again. I could refer to it as white rain if you-“

The bellow and resounding thwack of the pillow connecting with Harlock could be heard on the bridge.

 

~fin


End file.
